February « 2019 « Joshua's Tree

Yes, hibernation has taken a deep hold on me and is permeating all my thoughts and reflections at the moment. In a way I had not anticipated it is freeing my head space up and God is creating new paths of thought inside my being. Maybe not totally new, but giving me courage to follow thoughts and ideas through. And maybe it will turn out to produce a different harvest in time, than I was chasing after. That is not necessarily a bad thing

At the moment I am seeing parenting as a season of hibernation in the lives of our children. Not to keep them cocooned away from life and doing and being but it is not the season of harvesting in their lives. Children are born as persons, persons that need rooting, strengthening for when they are adults and step out into the world understanding they belong to a far greater story, with many others in it. A story that began long before them and will carry on without end.

I remember at a conference the lady speaking at the opening session spoke of how young trees need staking. Saplings without a stake snap and get damaged and do not survive. Saplings who are staked too tightly cannot survive the first storms of life when they mature. Saplings need a stalk that supports them and allows them to sway with the wind, that does not impinge on their growing root system. We don’t expect a young tree to bear fruit, we know it needs to mature before a crop will come. Children are no different.

Hibernation as a way of parenting is similar to staking a tree. Our children are just that, children. They are so busy learning and growing in so many ways. Play is the way our souls, minds and bodies explore and expand without fear or reprisal. (an idea Gordon Neufield talks about in the importance of play). Play is the establishment of a healthy root system that will nourish and support them throughout their adult life, that is why play is vital, not just in the first couple of years but throughout childhood which I believe includes the teenage years.

Our eldest is about to enter double figures and as we are reflecting on what parenting will look like I am aware it is not about removing the stake but more about replacing the stake with a more appropriate one for an older sapling.

Today there are so many expectations placed on children to reach certain levels, to master certain skills, often devoid of context and relationship. Yet hibernation allows for children to be children. Yes our children need to be trained and taught. Just yesterday we invited 3 ladies over from church for afternoon tea. We wanted to bless them but it was also an opportunity for me to train our children how to extend hospitality. How to welcome people at the door, how to engage in conversation, how to say good bye. There is training but there is room allowed for much growth too. Hibernation protects them. It removes from me unfair and unrealistic expectations I may have of them, so releasing them to be who they are. It means that as we train them in the safe space of family and friends that when they are adults it will be second nature even if hospitality is not their natural tendency. We are giving our eldest similar opportunities with speaking aloud. Both boys have to read aloud to me most days, not to show off their reading but to practice speaking aloud to others. This meant when our eldest was asked to help with the church service recently he was not afraid to. We also spent time practicing what he would be saying up front so it was second nature.

Hibernating frees children and parents up to not worry about what fruit needs to be produced. Fruit will come, in time. There is much living to be done before any harvesting. There is the unfurling of leaves, which will be formed to be who they are as they enter adulthood, there is the fullness of life and the harvest to come. For now though my role is tending to our children with a blanket of hibernation giving them time to establish that root system. They read, they write, they do maths, grammar, history, science, bake, tell stories, sing, learn instruments, have play dates, go to youth group, the library and swimming, take part in local litter picks. Hibernation is rich in all its colour, as I shared yesterday it is not bleak avoidance but it is not the season to ask for a harvest either. It is the season when I say yes to the crazy creative mess and imagination our 3 can come up with. It is the season we are training them so that habits are built into that root system. It is the season when play and learning are indistinguishable. It is deep, rich, creative work. It is a beauty all of its own.

A friend in one of her pieces of writing mentioned the start of the year as a time of hibernation and something deep inside me resonated. I have not normally been someone who has gone for a word for the year. Hibernation though wrapped itself around me and beckoned me to sit and wait. To rest this season through. I realised winter had many different shapes. There was the very obvious one of the winter months, then there is the winter of not being sure of where we are in life and God’s calling and the winter of health questions and winters of children learning. At the same time this past year has seen us move to a much more intentional Charlotte Mason style of education. For those unfamiliar with Charlotte Mason she encourages a significant focus on nature so I have been more aware of the natural cycle of the world around me and the passing of seasons.

As the word hibernation settled over me like a warm duvet I was reminded also that trees and plants have seasons. The harvest is not there for the gathering all year round. Fruit, flowers, crops are present for a part of the year and often only a short time. I realised I had been running on a path of trying to maintain a continuous harvest. This expectation had killed the joy for myself and for our family and was up ending one of the many reasons we home educate. I was looking to have a harvest in conditions that don’t call the harvest forth. Hibernation is not a lack of harvest but a vital part of cultivating and bearing a harvest at the right time.

As a family we have begun to walk along the River Itchen each weekend. We haven’t had much sunshine but I am learning to see winter in a new light. There is so much more colour than I was expecting. Winter is alive and full of life even when it appears all is dead. It is more than sleeping, it is resplendent in colour that is hidden behind the spray of spring green. Hibernation is not about bleak avoidance, it is deep, rich, restorative work.

As the natural world begins to unfurl from its long sleep and awaken this year I can embrace that unfurling without the need for all of my life to be up and awake. Hibernation and seasons in various parts of life will have differing lengths and that is good. So I will allow this year to carry on with its deep sleep in much of life knowing in its right time unfurling and awakening will happen and fruit and flowers will flourish once more.